TO THE GUY IN 3127:

Why does every man in a corporate office building have to be so cheesy? Everything is quiet and people are working and things are getting done. The silence does not need to be broken with you walking by and saying some stupid comment just for the sake of saying something!

These are middle-to-late-aged men who have grown kids and feel like they can relate to my 23 year old self. These are the same men who ask me how to work the printer and feel the need to come to my desk randomly and use the automatic stapler. It’s like they think that by making majorly ridiculous one-liners to me, my incredibly redundant and boring day will “turn my frown upside down!”

My favorite is the line that has the word “fun” somewhere in it. Like, “You’re having too much fun!”, “You need to stop having so much fun,” and “Not all of us can have that much fun!” I get that at least once a day! First of all, does it LOOK like I’m having fun?! For crying out loud, if I was having fun, I’d be at Happy Hour! Or how about the one that goes like this, “Stop making so much noise, no wonder we can’t work.” I’m sorry, I’ll stop the bulldozing going on behind my desk…gees!

Why do they feel like they have to say things like that? They are the cheesiest comments ever! And the worst part about them is that you have to give a pity chuckle. Why? Because they’re expecting one. It’s the symbol clash after the drum beat for them when it should be crickets chirping. They think they’re the building comedians who’s job it is to make me laugh by saying, “Have you seen my brain today, I can’t find it…” But instead of saying, “You’re the corniest man alive,” I go, “…haha…” and it satisfies their souls. And I hate that.

Honestly these kinds of comments make me cringe. They’re the most unnecessary, wastes of breath in the world and I’m so tired of them. This is the biggest reason why I hate sitting at a bay in the hallway. If I had an actual office, I wouldn’t have to deal with these people annoyances. I hate these comments more than the people who manage to walk by my desk 10 times within a 3 minute timeframe. And more than the people who come to get candy from MY bowl and complain that it’s not the kind they like.

Ok seriously, who does that?!

FOR THE FANS...

It’s been over a week…apparently more people read this thing than I thought cause they keep buggin’ me to write a new one. Ok already!

The past week has been spent waking up late, going to work, going to the gym, and coming home and yelling at my roommate. It’s all in good fun. I think our friendship is past the whole “I agree with whatever you say cause I have to live with you and don’t need drama” stage. Actually, I think we skipped that stage and just went straight to the, “I don’t feel like taking out the trash, you do it and while you’re up, get me a Dr. Pepper” stage. It’s really brought us together, you know. Instead of going to bed before she gets home, I wait up for her…just so I can tell her she spends too much time on the phone instead of cleaning our messy apartment! We’ve bonded.

Last week, some guy on the opposite side of the whole floor trekked all the way down to my desk and goes, “Our printer is out of ink.” I said, “Ok…” He just stands there looking at me as if I’m the answer to all his problems. “Can you fix it?” I thought to myself, Are you kidding me?! I said in an annoyed tone, “Where do you sit? Is there no admin over there?” I mean honestly I had never seen this guy in my life! He goes, “They told me you were the admin” I quickly responded back, “Who’s they!?” All he did was point. So I said, “Just go downstairs to the supply room and get one.” He looked at me like he couldn’t believe I just said that. Like heaven forbid he have to go downstairs to get it when there’s a lousy admin sitting here that cant possibly have anything important to work on and would love to help him out and do it for him. Whatever! Does it look like I have the words “3rd Floor Bitch” tattooed on my forehead?! Give me a break!

So…because my weekends are now free, I just didn’t want to sit at home on Saturday night and do nothing. So I went to Arlington for my friend Rachel’s party. HAD A BLAST! There were so many people there and the DJ was awesome! I danced all night long. Scooter and David came with me and with Rachel, USNA dude, Sean and friends from Mason, I knew a lot of people surprisingly! And then Mr. “I sooo graduated 7 years ago, but I’m gonna act like I’m still in college” guy came up and started dancing with me. It was fun, and he was actually a great dancer…then this girl comes up and gives him the look of death. He looks at me and goes, “I gotta go, that’s my wife, I think she’s upset.” I just started laughing in his face. The night was fun, I gotta go back there!

Oh and Betsy came up on Sunday. I love seeing my sisters, but Betsy milks me for all I’m worth. She makes me pay for everything…not surprising for someone who’s life motto is “Take advantage of the situation!” So we decide to go to lunch…which I paid for. Then we go to a movie…which I paid for both our tickets. If I retaliate and say she should pay, this is what I get: “No you have to pay, you’re the one with the job!” or “I came to see YOU, and plus I brought up your Christmas presents so you have to pay!” So I pay cause I’m a big pansy.

That’s it folks. Nothing too crazy this time. I know I know…I used to post at least once a week, sometimes twice a week, about my unusual adventures, but somehow I lost my inspiration…

Yay for life being normal!

THE NEXT EMINEM

[Dedication: I dedicate this entry to my “no drama” roommate, Sara. This is for you!!]

Granted the fact that most of TV now-a-days is pure trash and everyday it seems like theres another dumb reality show coming out – I don’t think the people who are on these shows realize that the joke is really on them. Anyway. My roommate and I sat down the other day and happened to catch MTV’s “Made.”

For those of you who haven’t seen it - can I just say that this show is the most ridiculous thing in the world?! It was about a white girl in high school who wanted to become a rapper. HA! It was so crazy! This girl was one of those chicks in your 9th grade class that had an ultimate fascination with horses, who was far behind the times, and spoke with a vocabulary like her favorite book was Webster’s Dictionary. She was in desperate need of a make-over, a whole new wardrobe and needed some friends, at least one, on the side. The show filmed her going home from school and playing the piano when she gets a text message from her local rapper Made coach. The text was, “If you really want 2 get down, meet up at [enter address]- c u 2nite.” How ghetto. What cracked Sara and I up was how she responded. “That’s splendid.” What high school-er says that?!

Then there was a scene where “Attlas” – her Made coach – takes her to a club where there’s no white people and makes her freestyle. When she started out with “yo,….” He stopped her and goes, “Not every rap begins with yo!” So the show continues and Attlas makes her do a rap battle against the guy at school – which by the way, she soooo got served! – Then she had to ask fellow classmates to be her backup dancers. This was the funniest – no one wanted to do it. So finally the most random selection of females at this school had to learn the dance she was gonna do to her rap and took her out to get a “cool outfit.” It was so bad. She went home and showed her mom who told her on national tv, “You look just a bit cheap…” AHAHAH! And oh the poor thing asked out the school’s most popular guy ever. Can we say socially inept?! “So, I think you’re really cool and I would like it if we could hang out sometime, are you busy this week?” The expression on his face looked like he had just been traumatized and goes, “yeah, I’m pretty busy this week and this weekend and next week.” Then all the people in the lunchroom laughed at her just standing there. How much more could this girl take!

The show ended when she performed her rap and dance in front of the whole school where everyone was making fun of her. Props to her for keeping it going, that takes guts! By the end of the song, she was a hero and had a lot more respect among her classmates. What the heck?! Is that the answer for losers in high school now? Forget reading science fiction and wearing goth make-up…become a rapper and you’ll be cool! Tv….

My roommate and I laughed so hard at this show, it was pure entertainment. People getting voted off an island, Big fatties losing weight, Paris Hilton getting a job…I thought I had seen it all. Until I tuned into “Dancing with the Stars” last night and saw Master P. dancing ballroom….

What the….!?

1-800-Wal-Mart

There’s two hells on earth. The first I mentioned before, the DMV. The second is Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart. It’s the worst place ever. Everytime I go near it, I get depressed. So why do I hate this place with a sincere passion? Here’s why:

I was home for Christmas break one year and my mom sent Betsy, Katy and I on a short mission to get an electric blanket for my grandparents who were visiting that year. We made the biggest mistake of going to Wal-Mart. When seeing there weren’t any on the shelve, I tried finding a sales associate to help me to see if there were any in the back. There were none to be found. All I could find was a 15 year old with a missing tooth and a mustard stain on his little blue vest that looked at me like I was crazy for asking him to help me. I then looked at my little sister who was starting to hyperventilate from all the weird looking people bumping into and criss-crossing in front of her. We immediately left almost not making it past the stampede heading towards the point-of-sales unit displaying Slimfasts for $5.99. When we walked through the automatic doors of Target, I was blinded by the bright lights and I think I heard an angel choir singing in the background. We had just reached retail heaven.

Another time, I had to go to Wal-Mart for an assignment in one of my Advertising classes. We were supposed to go to Wal-Mart and Target and write a paper on the comparison between the two stores’ advertising strategies. I choose an end-cap display and start jotting down notes. I was almost done when some middle-aged dirty overweight guy that had a hole in his T-Shirt pushed his cart into me and rudely says, “What are you doing, comparative shopping?!” I said, “No, I’m doing an assignment…excuse you.” He goes, “Oh, my daughter did the worst thing she possibly could have done when she went to college. She chose Communications as her major…like it takes any neurons to do communications…” I glanced over at him and said, “That’s my major. And I enjoy it very much thank you.” “Oh come on, all you have to do is say please and thank you and shake someones hand! Where are you gonna find a respectable job doing that?!” I said, “I actually have a great job doing internal communications for a government contracting company…what do you do!?” He goes, “I guess that’s pretty good, but I still think it’s stupid.” I was so offended. He just bashed the one thing I worked so hard in for 4 years! What a moron! So I did what any offended person would do – offend back. I said, “Well, that’s why you shop at Wal-Mart and I only come here for assignments!” And I walked away shoving his cart back into him. I cried to my roommate on the phone all the way back to campus.

The third time I went to Wal-Mart was just recently over New Years. It was 11:30 pm in Dallas and we wanted to buy some cheap champagne to ring in the New Year. We had to move quick cause you can’t buy alcohol after midnight. So all 6 of us ran into the Wal-Mart down the street from our hotel and made our way to the check out line. Of course out of all 300 cash registers, there’s only 3 open. And each have like 20 people in line. So we go to the express check-out line and get in the back of the line. We wait and wait and wait. And finally we get up to the front and Scooter gives the lady his newly acquired Vermont drivers license. She swipes it in the register. Who swipes an ID?! He was of age, but the machine said his license had expired on that day! She looked at it and clearly it said expiration: 2009. She calls the manager who definitely took her time coming to the front. When she finally came, she grabs the ID and goes, “It’s a fake…you all need to leave.” We were all like, “WHAT?! It’s not fake, that’s his drivers license!” She started to take it away and leave, when Scooter goes, “Whoa Whoa Whoa, how is it fake? Do you even know what a Vermont license looks like? We’re in Texas.” She then points out everything on the license that is fake. We couldn’t believe it. There we were, six Christians just trying to buy a bottle of $2.99 champagne and we get accused of having a fake ID. So she just walks away like a great manager does when theres a problem and of course there’s 5 million people behind us waiting. So David walks all the way down to a customer service desk where a guy was sitting with his feet up and refused to give him a complaint form. Then he tells our cashier to call back the manager for one. As we’re waiting, David goes to the “greeter” who is a 6’2’’ guy with a size small blue vest and is wearing a hunting trucker hat and asks him what the number to Wal-Mart is. He goes, “sorry I can’t leave my area.” So Dave said, “well can you call someone!?” So the guy LEAVES THE AREA to go get that same stupid manager that we were waiting on already. We wait for another 10 minutes and she finally comes back and shoves a small piece of paper into Scooters hand, then walks away again. He opened it up only to read, “1-800-Wal-Mart.” ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Little blue vest guy couldn’t just tell us that?! The customer service that I had witnessed was at an all time low. All we could do was offer a pity laugh.

I also read Nickle and Dimed. Read that and your perception of Wal-Mart will change drastically!

So that’s why I hate Wal-Mart. I’d rather pay the $2 extra it takes to buy it from Target than go to Wal-Mart any day. There’s something about that smiley face too. It’s too happy for a place like that. And if ya’ll are waiting for an Amy disclaimer you can forget it, cause I don’t feel bad about my animosity towards Wal-Mart. Screw rollback prices!!!