"ALL BY MYSELF..."

So I have a new friend. His name is Loneliness. He’s real popular among the ladies, and comes and goes, but apparently he thinks I’m cool now, so I’m stuck with him. He’s not that much fun though - all we do is sit at home, eat ice-cream, and watch chick flicks. And occasionally we cry ourselves to sleep after drinking a whole bottle of wine...

What’s the deal with being lonely anyway? One minute you’re happy in love with your best friend and then the next minute, he’s your worst enemy. The hanging out stops, the talking stops, and he turns into a jerk…your life is completely altered by a 20 minute conversation. And then you’re just supposed to move on and act like it never happened?! What the heck?! So you turn to your friends. And that’s the thing…I know so many people here that I could easily just show up at their houses or call them up in an instant, but somehow it just seems like there’s no one around! Like I go to a church with 800 cajillion people and I feel like I’m the only one that no one talks to. It’s like, “Don’t kick me outta the group,” but it’s hard for people to do that when I’m not even in the group to begin with! And why is it that when you’re lonely, EVERYONE else you know finds their soul mate all the sudden?! What’s up with that!?

So you’re lonely – and it’s pathetic. No, like really pathetic which makes you feel like a loser which makes you feel more lonely and then you start feeling satisfied that you’re a lonely loser and then you just tell yourself, “hey dude, I gotta embrace this!”

First of all it hits you when you’re driving at night all by yourself and you feel the sudden urge to listen to Delilah on the radio. Next thing you know, you’ve got your hands at 10 and 2, balling your eyes out to “You’ve lost that Lovin’ Feeling” hoping no one sees your mascara running down your face.

Then the pity comments start. You know, the “He said he loved me…” “Why did he have to dump me...?”, “(sniff) What’s wrong with me?” and “I didn’t smell that bad!”

Then the anger starts. “SCREW THE MILITARY!”, “He’s gonna regret this for the rest of his existence…”, “Who’s wears Madris pants?!” and “Whatever… he had big ears…?”

Then the reason starts. “God has a man for me…without issues…”, “Maybe I’ll get a cat…oh wait!” and “Someday my prince will come and I’ll marry him and then divorce him and keep the castle!” (thanks Va!). Right around the time this hits you, Delilah gets a request to play “I Wanna Know What Love Is.” Perfect.

So that’s loneliness. And I know I won’t be lonely forever, it’s just something I gotta go through…you know, to make me stronger or to be a better person or whatever those Self-help-love-crisis books always say….

(...Laugh people, it's not that serious!)