JOB OPENING: ISLAND SOCIAL COORDINATOR

So I’ve become obsessed with something. Yeah, I’ve become obsessed with LOST. Every Wednesday night at 9, I am sitting on my couch with my eyes glued to the TV. And it doesn’t just end for me at 10…it continues the next morning when I get up and leave a little bit earlier so I can catch the “LOST” talk on The Hot Morning Mess with Mark and Chris. And it still keeps continuing when I arrive at work so I can read all the recaps and discussions online. I’ve become a “lost-ie” (that’s groupie for lost.)

So of course I have my favorite characters, like Kate, Jin, Sayid, Jack and Sawyer…and who doesn’t love Hurley! I’d date that big fat squishy guy any day – and he has a million dollars! I often ponder about who I’d rather be on the island with: Jack – the hot scared doctor or Sawyer – the hot convict with a bad attitude. Either way, they both have issues, and I’m tired of dealing with guys who have issues.

I also wonder about what my role would be on the island. Now I know I would never be a Shannon – I’d kill myself if I had to just sit there and cry all day. Plus I don’t have a step-brother to sleep with. I like Kate’s character, but I’m not as brave as her – she volunteers for everything and I don’t really like carrying backpacks around all day. Besides, I could never look as good as she does for being stranded on an island for 2 months. I could probably help Sun with her garden but I don’t have much of a green thumb. Pressing a button in the hatch doesn’t work for me either – I’d probably get rebellious and not type the numbers in just to see what happens…

I’d probably be the social coordinator! I could really put a schedule together and create some fun on the island! I would be responsible for getting everyone’s mind off the fact that they all might die any second from the incredibly apparent island dangers. I could schedule therapy sessions with Libby (the psycho-therapist) for everyone - and for a Social one night, we could do speed dating around the fire. The best event I would plan would be Star Jungle Tours. I could lead them through the jungle to all the hot spots where something happened. Like when we get to the abandoned ship, “This is the black rock where Arnst blew himself up.” Or when we get to the crazy French lady’s camp, “And here’s how we will live if everyone around us dies and we don’t get rescued in the next 16 years.”

I’d be the best social coordinator ever! I’d be in the cool person click along with Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sawyer and Locke. I’d be someone who always knew what was going on…until they kicked me outta the group for killing Ana Lucia….

…I can’t stand that chick!