I'M BACK IN CLASS!

Because I'm a new employee at my company, I'm required to take all of these intro training classes. This means I have to drive to Mclean on 66 and be there by 8 am for the complimentary breakfast. I have to attend 2 two-day classes called "Performance Warmup" and "Personal Best." I think they should be called, "Performance waste of your time" and "Kindergarden 101." The more I work in the real world, the more I realize that companies train you as if you're a complete moron! I mean seriously how hard is it folks?!

So I show up yesterday to Performance warmup thinking it is gonna be a long two days. Turns out the class had started on Monday and I just didn't show up for it. Yeah, good 'ol Columbus day screwed me up, so I'm thinking the class started on Tuesday. I didn't care, I had fun in South Carolina! This class was aweful. I'm sitting knee to knee with 3 other people at this tiny table crammed in the back of a classroom that's full capacity was probably 30 people. Yeah, there were definitely 50 people in that room! Most of the people in attendance were consultants. I'm an admin. I've been doing most of the stuff the instructor went over since day one. Everything she said was "Now this program is a little tricky..." and "I had a hard time learning this one." Give me a break. All I wanted to do was stand up and make an announcement, "Excuse me folks, it's really not that serious!"

Why is it that every type of training class I go to, I'm always at the rebel table? You know, the table with all the people that really don't want to be there and think that anyone who asks questions is a loser. I love being at this table! I feel as though I instigate extreme sarcasm and funny comments about people that really don't know whats going on. So all I did yesterday was talk with the other 3 people at my table about how stupid the guy in the blue tie is for asking why you're supposed to charge your training time to a training number and making fun of the speaker who looks like Mr. T but talks like Mike Tyson.

So today rolls around. New class. This means new people. Of course there's some dumb networking, ice-breaker game where you introduce yourself and tell everybody one thing about you that you know no one cares about but act like they do. I'm meeting the other 3 people at my table and I swear it was so comical. Again I'm at the rebel table. There's the one girl who told me her whole life story of meeting her husband in Vegas, getting married in Vegas and then getting pregnant in Vegas all before telling her mother. After she was done, I turned to introduce myself to the next guy hoping to find someone more normal, but I was scared of him. You know how you can associate an animal with somebody - yeah this guy was definitely Mufasa from The Lion King! I thought I was gonna hear him roar when he opened up his mouth, but all he did was yawn. This guy had such cool looking dreds that stretched all the way down his back and he was actually really nice. He was in my Performace Warmup class and we both made fun of the Mike Tyson dude together. The girl next to me was from Africa and was cool, but I have no clue what she was wearing. I hope she paid attention when we discussed business dress code.

The last part of the day was spent doing some dumb communication game, where one person draws what the other person describes. Developing professional skills?! More like developing motor skills! There were different colored markers and different colored paper, sticky notes, you name it - it was colored! And I swear, how many breaks do people need during the day? I felt like every 5 min. people needed a break! I seriously felt like I was back in kindergarden. I have a college degree, lets cut the BS.

I look forward to tomorrow where I can sit for another 8 hours listening to (or not listening that is) mindless, useless, and rediculously boring information that I will never be able to apply in the job I have now. Are we all doomed to corporate classes forever?!

I'll ask Mufasa...